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Read an updated feature story with information on how social media is affecting teen dating here. Perhaps the thought of all those sweet young couples slow dancing under paper streamers coaxes a nostalgic sigh or two. Ah, reality. Smartphones and social media can lay traps for preteens and young teens. Young teens have especially fragile egos, so negative peer feedback on social media can be especially damaging. The rest are either completely single or talking to someone.
Parents should try to stay on top of who their child is talking to or dating, and why — especially with younger teens. This is a prime opportunity to find out what they find appropriate and desirable in a romantic partner, says Crystal Reardon, director of counseling for Wake County Public School System.
The group eats dinner together, poses for pictures together and attends the dance together. Of course, kids who already have relationships — and even some still in the talking phase — will go with that special person, but still as part of a group. As Megan puts it: Hooking Up is Common and Accepted To college students, hooking up means having casual sex.
I believe that year-olds are far too young to engage in dating behaviors. Although your daughter may look years older than her age, her emotional intelligence, reasoning, and judgment have a long way to go to catch up to her body.
In essence, she may be a girl with the body of an older teen, but her emotional and intellectual makeup remains that of an year-old. Older boys often pursue girls who mature earlier physically and these girls are often flattered and excited by this attention for example, the freshman girl who is romanced by the senior boy. Although it's usually true that girls do mature socially earlier than boys do, we are not talking here about socialization skills -- we are talking about year-olds dating.
I would not belittle or embarrass your daughter by making fun of her sudden attraction to "the guys at school," but I would set clear dating guidelines at this time. Boys and girls socializing together at this age is healthy, but in my opinion, individual dating should not be encouraged or allowed.
Because of your daughter's early and rapid physical maturation, you need to be aware that she resist postponing her entrance into the dating world. Make sure that you engage her in an ongoing, age-appropriate dialogue of sex and sexuality as part of her overall childhood development.
By the way, consider the fact that although she may protest loudly if you do not let her date for the next couple of years, down deep she may be relieved that she can avoid her own fears about dating by blaming her mom. Carleton Kendrick has been in private practice as a family therapist and has worked as a consultant for more than 20 years.