Relationships require trust to thrive; otherwise, fear and anxiety rule, wearing away at your connection with each other. When people have been traumatized by betrayal in the past, they can project. Unfortunately, his ex-wife cheated on him, and married her lover the day after their divorce was final. My boyfriend seems to be VERY obsessed with never allowing anything like that to happen to him again, and is easily upset by any talk of men I dated before him, even though all of those relationships were extremely superficial and I maintain.
By Tayi Sanusi Mar 8 Sometimes good people do bad things. Mistakes are a totally normal gustavo cerati murio yahoo dating of being a flawed human being. Now that that's out of the way, if it comes to your attention that someone you're seeing has cheated in a past relationship, you are well within your rights to think twice about dating them. Not because you don't have feelings for them, but because you're allowed to analyze the likelihood of them doing the same to you. If they cheated on their exit's logical to wonder if you could cheateed next. Now of course, relationships can be extremely complicated, and just because someone made a bad decision in the past does not guarantee that dating a man who cheated on his ex wife will repeat it.
This means they're the kind of person who owns up to their actions. The fact that they went out of their way to be honest, when they could have kept their transgressions to themselves, shows that honesty is something they really value. If, however, you end up finding out about their affairs by mistake, then maybe this is something you should carefully consider.
Do They Seem Genuinely Remorseful? Giphy Another thing to think about is how they frame the situation. Do they acknowledge that it was their own decision?
Or do they talk about it as if it was mostly their partner's fault? If they can accept responsibility and genuinely feel remorseful about hurting their ex, this demonstrates that they've learned something about destructive versus constructive ways to deal with problems within a relationship. Giphy While it was a brave and transparent decision for them to be upfront about their past, the truth of the matter is that knowing they have cheated before can be a difficult thing to overlook.
And the sad truth is that while I do believe in second chances, trust is a delicate thing and you can't control how it's tarnished. It's important to consider how you honestly feel about it versus how you think you should feel about it. Deep down, if they've given you concrete reasons to trust that they have grown and aren't that person anymore, then letting it go might not be the worst thing. But, if you know that this is probably going to cause you to always wonder if they're telling the truth about where they are and who they're with, then that might be an extremely difficult thing to overcome.
Giphy More often than not, the hardest life lessons ain't free. We've all made mistakes that we deeply regret. But the key to analyzing whether or not you should continue a relationship with someone who's had infidelity issues in the past is to listen closely to their takeaways.
What did the experience teach them? I am actually shocked he would tell you all the gory details. So now you know and what to with that info? What did he expect to accomplish by telling you this? I would ask him that. Then you need to decide if he is worth taking the risk. What a mistake. Needless to say he was a terrible BF and he cheated constantly… June 17, at Even if they cheated in the past in another relationship.
If the relationship fails, men are more inclined to stay in the relationship and cheat and women are more inclined to leave. If you two are on good terms, i think you should talk about this. About your own past. I think i would tell him that you feel you are in a healthy relationship but you would like to know more about what drove him to the affair and what caused it, so you can prevent that from happening in your relationship.
Something like that June 17, at It lead to him telling me about the affair and why he did it, and how it was the biggest regret of his life even though he was so unhappy. We do confess more to each other than I have ever in other relationships before. I have confessed terrible things I have done as well. The end result of the conversation that we had was him saying he cannot believe, as much as he hated her, that he was capable of hurting any person in that way and how thankful he was that he waked away from that affair and what lessons he had learned.
Honeymoon phase. Of course everything is wonderful and different. And my point is validated, because here you are writing into a forum concerned if he might cheat again. Actions speak louder than words. If you want to change and be a better person, than do it. They say a leopard never changes its spots, but I disbelieve that.
But men cheat for more reason than being unhappy. They do it out of boredom, they want variety, an ego boost, etc. The same is true for women. Actually, there are brain studies that show certain men biologically have th propensity to cheat. They are wired that way. So that has nothing to do with keeping your man happy at home.
So again.. I would like to know why he needed to over share. He should know that since he decided to divulge such info, he should also be that much more transparent with you about his coming and goings.
Because I would have my doubts too if the person I was with decided to tell me such info. I do not personally believe once a cheater, always a cheater, however circumstances very wildly. That being said, I do know one thing for sure, When a man shares his secrets with you, if you want him to trust you and keep opening up to you, you must accept them without judgement.
I know for the most part the past needs to be in the past, but this situation is delicate. Learn about exactly WHY he cheated, what drove him to do so and why he chose to continue the affair, rather than leave the relationship.
After hearing out everything he has to say, then it will be up to you to choose if you want to risk it. It will be a hard road and make sure you give him plenty of time and know him really well at least two years , see how he acts when things get tough, before you make any legal commitments.
If he does end up cheating, despite you putting your trust in him, walk away and never look back. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. April 23, at Good and bumpy. We get along well but in the beginning when we were dating he confessed alot about his first marriage that I could have lived 30 more years without ever needing to know.
Most of it made me question whether or not it would happen to us. His first wife was a nice person, but not a sexual person in any sense of the word. He went for months, then a full year without and then cheated on her with somebody at work. It did make me put myself in his shoes….
Will he cheat on me? I am pretty sure I punished him for what he did to her, after all I felt empowered to do so in my pissed off mood when he told me what he did. He says he wouldnt ruin the best thing that ever happened to him. Once Mr. I cheated on my ex husband and left him for another man— 13 years ago. Now, I would get out of the unhappy relationship before starting a new one. Not so much as he cheated but he was carrying on an entire affair with a woman hiding the fact that he was married and has kids.