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Kindly, Hoffman refrains from mocking my unassisted self-description: Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I drop a pin and let a friend know where I am. Three-quarters of the profile should be about me, and the other quarter about what I want in a mate, says Hoffman, who tells me to be specific here, too: One possible explanation, offered by Justin Lehmiller, PhD, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want , is that men tend to overestimate the sexual interest of women they casually encounter, so they may assume the "gift" will be welcome.

And if they occasionally get a positive response, they may figure it can't hurt to try again. Hoffman looks at my photos and nixes the corporate headshot and mirror selfie.

Mirror selfies often give off an air of vanity. Agreed—as a curvy girl, I want to avoid first-date surprises. I skip quirky. The reality is Who knows? Take charge. Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste. I try to appreciate the bad dates. The craziest nights are your best stories. I should make my messages personal, advises Hoffman: As in fast food? But then—success! We have a short phone call, as Hoffman recommends, to set something up.

You meet the freakazoids and think, This is the worst. You find someone great and think, Am I going to be on the next episode of Catfish?

They're fun! They vanished. Let him disappear and make way for the partner you deserve. On the day of the date, I meet him at a restaurant. He's sweet, too, talking about his grandma, and we follow dinner with drinks. I realize I got lucky, that this was the dating equivalent of finding a magical unicorn.

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