3 Essential Tips for Online Dating Message and Email Writing. a message to a girl you liked the profile of from an online dating website, versus an email to a girl you met yesterday and spoke with for a few minutes), the shorter your message ought to be. The second thing you need to pay attention to is helping her think. How important is it to write a good online dating first email? The answer to that may seem obvious, but just in case it isn’t let me say: writing a great first message in online dating is critical to success or failure in your dating life.
Help her think, and Walk a mile in her shoes. I don't usually start off a post with the impact points right at the beginning. But I Online dating tips email techniques to get her attention to lay these out first -- because they're so vital to solid message writing -- and we'll get into the "whys" and the "hows" in a moment. I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little Best dating apps iphone uk up first. This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader.
But I'd say, keep it to two brief paragraphs maximum, with perhaps a one- or two-line goodwill statement at the end. That means that that six paragraph novella you wrote for that cute girl from Match.
She looked at that and said, "Nuh-uh. I consider myself a fairly good writer -- I've been writing for a pretty darn long time -- but when I first plunged into online dating a number of years back and shot girls a bunch of long messages, all of which were exceptionally well-written, of course, I got back diddly squat. They just didn't even bother to read them. Now, that's not entirely true I did have a few girls reply back then. But it was always much more of an intellectual discussion, and a lot less of an, "Oh boy, it's on!
And the interest in the discussion usually petered out after a few messages and ran its course. And on top of that, the amount of time and effort I put into constructing those incredibly long messages simply wasn't justified by the meager returns they generated. Good rules of thumb on message length: The less well she knows you e. On follow-up messages, pretty much never go excessively beyond the length of her last message to you Visual appearance is key -- you can feel like you're not saying much, but it takes up four paragraphs.
Cut it down. There are ways to say more in two short paragraphs than in seven long ones. You don't have to reply to everything. If you're thorough, like I am, there's always the inclination to refer to every single point she raises to ensure she feels understood, but this can lead to excessive length. Choose the most substantial points, and respond to those. The second thing you need to pay attention to is helping her think.
That means that questions like, "Tell me about yourself," are way too vague and are going to lead to women briefly scouring their brains for an answer, drawing a blank, and deciding to "come back to your message later" Leaving out a call to action is equally bad.
You'll notice at the bottom of this post there's a call for you to jump on my newsletter. That's on all my latest posts, many of the most popular ones, and I'm gradually going back and adding it to all earlier posts. Because if I don't make it clear what a reader ought to do and make it easy to do it It's too much mental footwork, and people -- everybody, just about -- want you to make things easy on them. If I told you, "Hey jump on my newsletter Compare the following short messages: Message 1 Lily, hey.
That sounds like a wild experience you had with the apartment flood. I'm glad MY apartment is high enough in my building I don't have to worry about that! No big plans for the weekend; just hitting the beach on Sunday maybe. Ted Message 2 Lily, hey. What say we head there together?
I'll bring some food and we can do a picnic. Ted Which message is more likely to get a response? Which message is more likely to get a useful response, that moves the interaction forward? That's right; Message 2 is vastly more likely both to get a response, and to get a useful response.
That's because it includes a clear call to action and it makes it a LOT easier for Lily to decide how to respond. The response Ted guides her to responding with is, "Sure, the beach sounds fun! What time do you want to meet? In Message 1 there's no clear way for Lily to easily respond back; she'll write a response if she's chasing very hard, but even then it isn't going to be the best kind of response; it'll most likely just awkwardly try to force rapport where no doors had been left open for it by Ted.
You need to make it easy for women and help them think to avoid ending up with message abandonment issues. Do these things: Share simple stories that don't require much analysis Add clear calls to action that are easy to say "yes" to Those three things will improve your reply rates to the messages you send so much you'll want to shake my hand.
Finally, walk a mile in her shoes. This should go without saying, but you'd be surprised how often messages get written without a guy stopping and considering how a girl will receive them. Still these days I'll be about to hit "Send" on an email or a message I'm sending to someone, and I'll stop, read through the message as someone else, and realize, "Whoa, this is still way too long, I need to cut out some paragraphs," or, "Oh man, I'm just talking about myself here Always take the time to imagine how you'd receive a message like the one you're sending if you received it from a stranger.
If you'd feel a little annoyed at the length or the tone or you wouldn't know how to respond to it, you have some edits to make. What a Good Online Dating Message Looks Like I'll note that while I don't talk about online dating a whole lot on here, I used to do it quite a bit as a supplement to meeting women in the real world.
It's useful too for getting good at learning how to write to women and finding out what's effective and what isn't. You'll want to keep in mind our three rules from the beginning of this post: Keep it short, 2. Help her think, and 3. Walk a mile in her shoes. That means long, detailed first messages are out. I know, it's tempting when you read a great profile or find a girl you're REALLY excited about to write her a novel telling her everything about yourself and relating it back to her -- such a message can even feel like a masterpiece as you put it together -- but take it from me having written many such masterpieces in the past -- yeah, those don't work.
No matter how beautifully constructed such messages may be, no matter how much of a perfect match the two of you really are, a girl's going to see a monster message like that, and instantly click the "back" button. So it's got to be short. You've also got to help her think and make it intellectually undemanding. Even if she's a Ph. She's going to hit "back" on that one too.
So it's got to be easy and it's got to help her think. And you've got to be thinking about what mindset she's going to be in while reading this. She's probably reading a ton of messages from men -- it's an online dating website, after all -- and she's hearing a lot of the same thing -- a lot of: You're so beautiful.
I think we should go out. Hi Casey, my name's Charlie. You seem nice. What do you do for fun? If you like this picture of my dong, there's a LOT more where that came from. Call me and let's set it up for a hot, sweaty night of ass-smacking ridiculousness. So you also know you've got to be different, intriguing, and light -- she should enjoy getting a message from you.
So a good online dating first message ends up sounding like this: Hey Casey. Welcome to town; hope the locals haven't been too rough on you. It's only bad until you're initiated ; So, found it cool that you're an artist as well. Too forward of me to ask what kind of art? Going to rule out stonecutter, since it doesn't look like you have the forearms for it.. Anyway, cool to meet you. But if you throw in some unique perspectives -- joking that she doesn't look like she'd be a stonecutter, telling her the town's only bad until she gets initiated -- you're a lot more likely to capture her interest and get a reply.
Here's another potential opening salvo: Whatever you do, make sure you don't open this message Often this question can be about a common interest you mention but any question is better than none. A large majority of emails sent are titled this way and if you contact a woman who received 15 email contacts since the last time she logged on, your email is going to get lost in the mix.
Sure, she might review it and respond but why not try to stand out even before she opens your email? For example, I enjoy an occasional day walking around a big city. Saying that I love walking through the city is a stretch but I would want to add some strength to my statement. To avoid this, I would try to show my true level of interest by exaggerating it. Even though sometimes I felt like I was going over the top, I still saw a lot of success going with this type of emphasis.
Example Online Dating First Emails Giving advice on writing a better first message in online dating is good, but I think examples make it better. The next two are special cases where asking the girl out occurs in the first email.
In my experience with online dating, first messages where I asked the girl out were uncommon for me but I felt that in both the second and third first email example, it was the best option based off of the profile. These are just examples and ideas on writing a first email and you should go with what your comfortable with.
Profile 1: I am a XX year old looking for a nice guy to get to know and have a wonderful time together. I am a very outgoing person and enjoy all types of activities. I work full-time as a real estate agent. I am very sociable and enjoy being around people. If you would like to get to know me, just send me a message. This young lady devoted half of her profile to talking, in some fashion, about being social. This seems like one of the better points of focus when writing the email: Response 1: Just sending that message!
I love being sociable too and liked what I was seeing in your profile. Have you ever gone swing dancing? My approach here is to be positive but brief. The goal here is to get her interest, have her look at my profile and if she likes what she sees, move forward.
Profile 2: I am crazy, unique and creative. Everyday boring life turns into an adventure along with me! Born and raised in the [a city] looking for someone to curl up watch a movie with or football or just hang out.
A little facial hair is a plus and someone with an awesome personality is key! Hope to hear from you soon. The important parts again are: Reponse 2: Mirror, Mirror dna evitaerc…gab dnuop evif a ni nuf fo sdnuop net ekil dnuos uoY. Would this work? Maybe yes, maybe no. Even in the case where she decides it is horribly corny, she might appreciate the unique quality it had.
I also ask her out in the first email because: Profile 3: I am XX years old I love living life to its fullest. I travel every chance I can and love being around those I share things in common with.
This is an example of how sometimes profiles are too short and give you no clues to who the person is.