TCW receives many, many questions from Christian couples who want to know what is and what is not okay to do sexually. Unfortunately, churches tend to ignore this issue, small groups usually don't talk about sex, and most Christian books deal with more "spiritual" cybertime.ru: Louis And Melissa Mcburney. For singles joining our site, we recommend starting with Christian dating for free, Christian Mingle reviews and our Christian dating advice and marriage blog, with articles such as courting vs dating, why am I single, porn addiction statistics, finding your Christian soulmate, and .
What are some of the reasons for dating? Whom should we date? What sex and christian dating we do on a date? How far may sdx go in our touching and kissing? Where do we draw the line? How do we know where to draw the line? The subject of sexual purity is extremely important.
God does not change. Whereas man's fall into sin spoiled the sexual desires God had created, God redeemed those desires from shame. God redeemed them for wonderful use within the union of those who marry "in the Lord" I Cor.
Sex is beautiful, but only in marriage. Hebrews The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: Sexual desires and activity are not bad and dirty, but good, and even beautiful and wonderful, in the marriage of a believing husband and a believing wife. On the other hand, all sexual activity outside of the marriage bond is described in the Scriptures for what it is - a grievous sin against oneself, against others, and especially against God. But the fact remains, that the Bible speaks of sexual desires and activity in the marriage relationship as being not only proper but also good and beautiful.
They are especially beautiful when no scars from the past are carried into the bedroom. God's redemption of sexual desires means that He is as much Lord of them as He is of everything else. The issue is not only one of sexual purity, but also that of the Lordship of God in Christ. The question which constantly needs to be asked and answered is not "Who am I? Additionally, this text emphasizes that what was bought with the blood of Jesus is not only the souls of believers but also their bodies.
To Him we belong in body as well as in soul. We are obliged to glorify God in our bodies as well as in our souls.
The Bible teaches that sex is a gift of God, a good gift. He gives this gift, not to be used selfishly or romantically outside of marriage, but to be used and enjoyed properly in marriage. We may not use God's gift any way we please. We must use this gift for Him, in His service.
Effects of Premarital Sex It is helpful to consider what happens when we disobey God. If we misuse His good gift of sexuality, what are the consequences? The girl who violates God's commands concerning sex feels used and cheated. She realizes, too late, that she has "lost" a most precious possession: Virginity is a gift God gave her. It is not really hers, but God's, and she is but the steward of it.
She is responsible to God for its care. She can give her virginity away only once. She can never get it back. She will never be able to give this precious gift to her God-given husband at the proper time. Today's society says very little about the pricelessness of virginity. To the contrary, television, movies, and romance novels make virginity cheap. They sacrifice it on the altar of "fun. Some do not want to be considered "odd. Many think they can use sex to get love.
Many give in to their boyfriend's pleas because they do not want to lose his "love. And the consequences are irreversible. The young man also "loses" something when he goes too far before marriage. He also gives away a priceless gift, and he does so cheaply.
The loss of innocence, through sexual impurity, is as real for the boy as it is for the girl. He may deceive himself into believing that the gratification of the moment will make that loss worthwhile. But he too will find, to his great grief, that it does not. For God will not be mocked. All sexual activity before marriage is entering into a holy of holies in a degrading, base, and profane manner, violating the will of God. And the only reason for rushing so boldly into this holy and beautiful mystery is the selfishness of pride.
Some claim the "right" to premarital sex because they are engaged to be married. They believe that their expressions of commitment to each other make it right for them to violate God's will. But consider the reasons for wanting to go contrary to God's command! Every one of them is wrong: Can such motives and such action be defended before an open Bible? It is God's will that sex be only in marriage. And it is only God who unites two in marriage, using the church and the state to be His means to unite them.
A couple is not married merely on the basis of their commitment to each other. The command of our God is of course sufficient reason to refrain from premarital sex. There is however this added consideration, that not always do an engaged couple end up marrying each other. Should they break off their engagement, after engaging in sexual intercourse, they can be sure that, when they do marry, the pleasure of the marriage bed will not be unaffected by the memory of what went before.
Sin may deceive us into thinking we can get away with it, but God is not mocked. Premarital sex always causes scars! Sin leaves scars. And the scars will have an effect on you years later. In the passion of the moment, you do not think about the implications and consequences which reach far beyond that moment.
You do not want to think about the consequences. But this sin makes a searing cut, which always leaves a scar. You cannot violate the command of God concerning something so wonderful, and not be hurt by it. Sexual relationships many years later, with the husband and with the wife you love so dearly, are going to be affected by the illicit and immoral sexual activity which took place before you were married.
I might add that many have been the counseling sessions with those whose improper sexual activity before marriage was with the one they did later marry. They judge each other, they blame each other, or they are plagued in conscience. When will we realize that God will not be mocked? We will reap what we sow! There can be healing from the wound which sin causes, but there will always be a scar. This scar will be removed only when we receive our resurrection bodies.
Please consider the scars you will cause, for yourself and for the one you love, before you rush into intimacy before God permits it. God's Answer He who created sexual desires and who redeemed them from being only powerful lusts of the flesh is also gracious in providing us a way of escape from the guilt and tyranny of lust. There is hope for those who have already violated God's pure gift of virginity. There is hope for those who desire to maintain the gift of purity which God gave them.
There is hope for those who feel that the power of sex is out of control in their lives. This comforting hope of Divine healing is not for all. It is only for those with heartfelt sorrow and for those with an earnest desire to do God's will. First, God's healing is the power of His sovereign grace to remove the guilt of sin. Grace is the power which delivers from the filth of our sinful flesh.
We may not be able to get our virginity back even as we cannot remove a hole after pulling out the nail , but we receive God's gracious forgiveness. Immorality is not a sin which cannot be forgiven. Sexual sins and temptations are to be treated as all other sins and temptations - they are to be confessed, repented of, and forsaken. The prayer for God's forgiveness and for God's grace to walk in holiness must be lifted up to Him. Then there may be the assurance of His gracious forgiveness.
And He forgives completely. When He forgives, the sin is gone forever, never again to be brought against the sinner. As ugly as the sin is, forgiveness is more beautiful, and grace makes us beautiful before God.
We cannot retrieve our virginity, but we can retrieve our chastity and our purity before God. When God forgives, then He gives us a perfect righteousness. It is as if we had never sinned. It is as if we only did every thing right. Therefore we hide ourselves under the wings of the righteousness and holiness which Jesus earned for us and which God imputes and imparts to us. Then we may be sure that we stand before God in pure, white robes, and we are called "Holy unto the Lord. Secondly, the Spirit of Christ brings, with complete forgiveness and perfect righteousness, the healing power of deliverance from sin's power along with the spiritual gift of self-control called "temperance" in Galatians 5: Sexual energies and desires, no matter how strong, are controllable.
As powerful as they may be, they can be controlled, for the power that is for us is greater than the power that is against us. The Bible teaches that we are not helpless before these lusts. It is Christ, to whom is given power over heaven and earth, who strengthens us Phil. It is the divine Spirit whose fruit is self-control. We can therefore break with sinful self-indulgence. We are called not simply to maintain but also to develop Spirit-filled self-control.
Jesus spoke of those who were eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake Matt. He spoke of self-control and self-denial for the sake of God's glory.
And He declared that any man who would follow Him must practice self-denial Matt. There are sins against which believers are commanded to stand and fight. But the only way the Bible says we are to fight sexual sin and temptation is to "flee" it I Cor.
Consider how Joseph fled from Potiphar's wife. This temptation is the kind that cannot be faced head-on. Will-power and resolutions do not stand a chance before this sin in particular.
It is too strong. To think that we can be "brave" and stand up to this sin, is to be the fool. The only way to be faithful to God in regard to this sin is to flee it. The admonition to "flee fornication" has the clear implication that we must not over-estimate our self-control or our spirituality. That is why we are admonished to "make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof" Rom. To control sexual desires, we must realize the importance of avoiding situations where we know we will be tempted by the wiles of the devil.
To control sexual desires one needs more wisdom than Solomon, for Solomon fell often to this temptation. One way not to make provision for the flesh to fulfill its lusts while dating is to "be alone with others, never all alone. Also stay away from every form of pornography - it is not "harmless. This means that you must draw the line as to how far you will go. You need to draw a line before you date, because of how powerful the Bible tells us physical attraction is.
We cannot have developing romantic love without having increasing desire for consummation. We are fools to deny this. It is abnormal to become more and more intimate mentally and emotionally and not want to become more and more intimate physically and sexually. You are playing with fire if you keep getting closer and closer together when you are not ready to marry. Later, as adults, they, through a new family, will be able to establish another generation to serve and bring glory to God.
At the core of such commitment are purity, love, and self-sacrifice. The Bible uses strong words in speaking of sexual sins. Acts of fornication are repeatedly declared as sin 1 Corinthians 6: Romans 6: Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.
In light of this truth the Assemblies of God calls youth and singles to refrain from all forms of sexual intimacy until marriage. Such actions would include prolonged sessions of kissing, words of unique expression, actions of intimate caressing, and partial or total nudity. Christian youth and singles must also avoid immodest dress, sexually explicit conversation, and sexually suggestive forms of media and entertainment as all model expressions that are sinful. There are also other dangers that lead to such sin.
Paul further warns everyone against lust and passion 2 Timothy 2: He tells us to beware of godless associations that can ensnare us, and to avoid talking in ways that corrupt our thinking Ephesians 5: Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.