Twenty20 / stellabella. Well, I had the “great” privilege to date somebody whose parents keep an eye on her closer than Batman did on The Joker in The Dark cybertime.ru’s not really a walk in the park, but at the end of the day, it’s all the love that matters. 29 Things Only People Raised By Conservative Parents Will Understand You spent a lot of time listening to your parents complain about how many taxes they're paying. Anyone over 30 who isn.
How boardies online dating break the news to the conservative parents? June 25, 5: How do we break the news to them? We moved in together last year, and she didn't want to tell her parents then because she was afraid that they would freak out and disown her. I'm not so sure; her father is the stern silent type but her mother seems like a sweetheart and they both seem like realists. Dating a girl with conservative parents the only daughter of four children, and it seems like she's kind of the favorite.
Don't give them anything else to complain to you or blame you about. In my friends' case, by the time they broke the news, he was almost graduated from a top university, and today he's an engineer at a major corporation.
These things probably went a long way in softening the blow. In my case, our situation was much less certain and stable, and to my parents, certainty and stability were pre-requisites for marriage. This was not the only factor at play, but I think if we'd gotten married in 5 years instead of now, the battle would have been fought with knives instead of nukes.
Even though her parents are immigrants, she is a modern woman who lives in a world where women can make their own decisions, and shouldn't live in fear of what they think and have to hide important information about their life than living with the one they love! Maybe this comment isn't welcome, but I would really encourage you or rather, her to think about this. I had relatively strick parents growing up, and we bashed heads about a number of tough issues, but eventually realize that there are things I like about my parents and things I don't.
I agree with their opinions and advice on some things, but not others. I see them more as people now, rather than my conscience or disciplinarians.
One of the benefits of living in this country is that women are individuals and not property. Although still, many women in the new world also move through the phases of being someone's daughter to someone's wife to someone's wife without being a somebody. I think it's your daughter's responsibility to tell her parents. It's sort of like the other question today where one girl wouldn't acknowledge her girl friend as her girlfriend. Listen to your gut.
What is the right thing to do? You will be judged primarily on two criteria: Focus on how you are a small businessman sellling a service rather than some punk artist actor. Punk artists never prosper, and they get shunned by the family. Don't talk about loving your work, focus on loving the realistic sums you plan to bring in reliably as a working actor. Be pragmatic, and sound like you have a plan. We had it easy, as the girlfriend was going to a good law school, and thus had a realistic plan to make good money.
Talk about making TOO much money in the future, and they know you're pandering. Is your family wealthy? You are a winner! Otherwise, hard work, and other confucian virtues in your father and mother are good to highlight. This of course, should culminate in how important family is to you. I know at least for my crazy-ass dad, that not being respectful of elders is his pet peeve, and his first way to determine if someone is trash.
Knock your figurative forehead, man. You are his biatch. Ask your girlfriend if there are any professions your father has particular vitriol for.
For instance, my dad hates lawyers with a passion, but we prefaced my girlfriend's future legal career with the fact that she was going to a "top 20" law school, ambitious as fuck, and it was all gravy. This also applies to the family. The 'rents were duly impressed by them both being teachers, noble profession but we left out the fact that they taught gym and 2nd grade. Did you go to a brand name school?
For instance, if you went to University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana, you went to a less prestigious joint that MIT, but you still went to a top 5 engineering program. It's all about ranks, man. Don't ask, it just is. The traditional disclaimer for all of these suggestions is that your results may vary- aggressive patriarchal asian fathers may vary, make sure these ideas apply to your particular asian with your girlfriend.
Meet with them in person, for dinner, endear yourself to them in these ways, and hopefully it will be ok. The gf suggests to announce the whole living together thing after you win acceptance- cuz It is all about earning the dad's acceptance. You must be scared, and the girlfriend was too.
They just want to make sure that you have traditional values from your family and that you have good earning potiential from your education and job choice. Play up how good a choice you are, and godspeed! Maybe your girlfriend can confide in her and see if she can help you engineer breaking it to dad. I was the son of conservative immigrants, and a generation ago my now-wife and I worried about this, mistakenly as it turned out. From things my mother said after we got married, she would have been cool with us living together.
And after we got married and my mother died, my father came to visit us with his new lady friend, taking it for granted that if was OK with us they that they shared a room. Eventually, my wife's mother also visited with her boyfriend, and her father they were divorced showed up with his girlfriend.
So, the shoe could be on the other foot at some point. I told my parents straight out about my boyfriend. Honestly, I was so smitten, I didn't even think of hiding it! My parents keep telling me "don't move in with a guy! I told my dad that finding a house only with girls is next to impossible, and he eventually relented. I don't live with my boyfriend his house isn't big enough but I'm at his place most of the time. I don't tell my parents that.
When I came back from the summer hols, I lived at his place for a month - my parents were told that I was living "with a friend". My sister moved in with her now-fiance long before any thoughts of marriage, and he was one of the very few boyfriends she'd declared to my parents. My parents liked him as a person, but they were disappointed with her choice of living with a man alone before marriage.
It didn't help that her man's main hobby is juggling! Now they're engaged, which makes them "legal", but it's the main impetus for my parents suddenly being MORE conservative towards me which is odd, because I've NEVER been the goody goody. Do her parents know you exist and that you're her partner?
They'd likely already put two and two together. I don't know if hiding it is necessarily a good strategy - they'd get upset that you're hiding things from them! As you said, they are an odd species. There is no logic with them honestly. I'd say don't force it, but if it happens, be honest. Good luck! Substitute "Latin American" for "Asian" and "unemployed graduate student" for "wannabe actor" and what you describe was basically my situation.
What worked pretty well: She knows them, she has to deal with the fallout; you should trust her on this. In fact, I think her mother broke the news to him, but I'm not sure about that. She comes as a package unit with her family; you need to be able to show that your family is either totally supportive, or is completely not in the picture.
What didn't work so well: I avoided this, and he still feels that protocol was violated. The father's concern for his daughter is coming out of love, and for him to be happy he needs to feel that his daughter will be loved and cared for as intensely by you as he does.
We eventually worked through this, but it took a long time, and there was nothing really gained by not doing things the right way.
If you aren't going to get married, she might not want to tell them or at least not the most conservative parent about living with you. We told them early; had we waited until after we were engaged it would have been a much easier conversation. I'm not suggesting that you get married because of this, but rather that if you are going to do so anyway that this becomes part of the discussion.
Lastly, be prepared to be able to make a serious argument for your plan for the future, career- and family-wise. There are lots of wannabe actors out there -- why should their daughter's precious future be entrusted to you?
What is your actual plan? Just carrying your own weight isn't the point -- what's the plan for having kids? Basically, how are you planning to go from where you are now to where you want to be, and can you explain that in terms that will resonate with her parents? Things worked out well for us, and I'm now very close to her parents. But it was definitely tricky at times, and could have been easier if we had done things a little bit different.
We aren't technically living together but I tend to stay at his place most of the time. My parents aren't terribly conservative in many ways and I told them immediately about my boyfriend but they are very concerned that I don't live with him to the point where every conversation ends with and don't tell me that you've moved in with him after the fact, it's absolutely not ok etc etc.
Since I'm serious about this boy and he is serious about me, we're trying our best to be discreet about things and not prejudice my family against him. Flying Squirrel: It's true that it's in many ways a sad situation, but you pretty much have to pick your battles.
I can consider myself a modern, independent woman and in no way anyone's property and still think that discretion is the better part of valor. I think that my parents probably know that I'm more or less living with my boyfriend -- but it still suits them to believe that I don't and to be able to tell people that I don't.
Is there really a compelling reason to tell them at all? I can't understand why you would want to upset the waters in this way when everything seems to work fine right now. If it ain't broke In my experience, the parents don't want to know. Your girlfriend's fear and reluctance are probably on-target with this, and since she'll have to deal with the aftershocks, I think she should get to decide. I saw a side of his personality that I had never seen before: I was suddenly confronted with a misogynist stereotype of an s Latin patriarch.
After the blow-out when he had calmed down a bit, he told me not to tell him about living together - implicitly asking me to lie to him. So if I were you? Why not just wait till after you're at least engaged, if you have to tell them at all? They're probably happy in their self-delusion. And I'll point out that, at least in China, actors have traditionally been considered at the same level or lower than prostitutes. That's changed somewhat in recent years, but beware: P posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9: Show them around.
When they see the one bed room and ask where she or you sleeps, tell them, "On the left. Losing the parents' love? Losing financial help from them? Losing other, material and logistic concerns place to stay, other conveniences? What's the problem? Here's the thing--you are an adult. Your gf is an adult. If you two want to live in the adult world, and therefore live together, cowboy up and do it.
You can live in fear and furtiveness, avoiding the subject and hiding your living arrangements, I suppose, but how un-fun is that? If her parents disapprove, your gf is in a pickle, because she has to choose. The wise choice will be to stand her ground, and if her parents are assholes about it, refuse to talk about it, change the subject.
If they persist, leave their company. Easier for you, but your gf will need to do the same thing. The silver lining of all that is that they might very well come to accept the relationship and you all will have a big laugh about it in the near future. But bottom line, you're adults and you should embrace the freedom of that but also accept the burdensome responsibility of that. Sometimes it ii important to remember one thing: I have one friend who has lived with his GF for 25 years now unmarried, They just never bring it up.
If they did, everyone would lose face. But i would suggest your GF will be the best judge of her parents sense of things. My wife surely was. I can tell you thought that hte night i went out with her father and asked to marry his daughter 7 years ago and he said " i am not sure. I must think about that" was one hard evening. He thought long and hard: As you can see from the above posts, the specific mix of cultures can really make a difference in the outcome. I had never realized how widespread the issue was and how many families had had that same hidden conversation with their children about who was worthy of their love and who, specifically, was not.
My parents were certainly guilty of this. When I began middle school, my mother told me that I could marry anyone I wanted: As a first-generation American, my mother had grown up in various Irish and Italian neighborhoods throughout Manhattan and Brooklyn, and the people she judged were from the bordering areas, where the population was generally poorer, less educated and less able to assimilate than her foreign-born parents had been back then, in the s. It was people from these groups whom she regularly saw beating up her grandfather over groceries.
What I soon found out was that my friends of all colors, faiths and traditions had had a similar talking-to from their parents. I continued asking questions: And does it persist or affect your relationship now?
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